Essence Removal Inc.

One of the many tasks I’ve had to deal with over the years is Essence Removal. With ‘Inc.’ added to the end of that, it sounded almost like any other company.

In essence, pun intended, Essence Removal is when a client inherits something, or buys it used or second hand, and there are still traces of the previous owner attached. For those of you with a used vehicle, you’ll know what I mean – the cracks and stains on a steering wheel, or where the leather has been worn down by someone else’s butt on the seat. Most people see this ‘worn in look’ as part and parcel of a bargain. Sometimes, however, the previous owner left more than just their sweat stains…

It’s called Essence in the industry but it could also be called soul. Sometimes, it’s not even a soul but just the memory of one. Regardless, if that Essence was in any way negative it can have a lasting and sometimes catastrophic effect.

When most people think of hauntings they think of old houses, cemeteries, battle fields, that sort of thing. However, that really is only the tip of the iceberg – maybe because that’s what Hollywood likes to show in its films. Okay, so most people have heard of haunted dolls and rocking chairs, but I’ve encountered haunted shoes, wallets, hats, park benches, and a multitude of vehicles, of course. Why anyone would buy a used pair of sneakers is beyond me, vintage or not – that’s someone else’s sweat, veruccas and foot fungus you’re schlopping around in. Medieval witches and Voodoo priests would pay highly for that sort of body fluid and you see it as a fashion accessory? The same goes for second-hand pyjamas and dressing gowns – they most definitely came from the deceased.

A hat with Essence attached can really screw up your mind, for obvious reasons. The brain is an electrical device and it emits electrical energy. That energy gets stored in your genuine 1950s felt fedora and, if the previous owner wasn’t a particularly nice person, or had even killed or died whilst wearing it, you’re going to be soaking up all of that bad juju. It really might start putting strange ideas into your head.

Usually, it wasn’t unless someone was an empath, or until something really, really bad happened, that I’d get called in to do a bit of cleaning. Salvage yards may sell old vehicles for the price of their weight in iron but they also get a lot of those same vehicles from smash ups on the side of the road. Are you really qualified to tell if that stain was from spilled coffee or the previous driver’s blood? Even renovated, these cars and motorcycles still haven’t forgotten their previous owner’s last moments and seem hell bent on repeating them. Ever wonder why your car just suddenly swings to the side of the road? Or it won’t turn when you want?

Many of these Essences aren’t even aware that they shouldn’t be here. Some just don’t want to let go of whatever object it is they’re attached to – especially if they’d spent years lovingly working on it, like some old Harley or T-Bird. And others? Well, they’re just plain vindictive. Their logic is that if they can’t have it then no one will. Or they just plan on causing misery and mayhem.

I gave up that line of work because of the long hours and stress. There are younger guys and gals in the field now, with a more modern understanding of just what to do with the clinging Essence of the violently-departed deceased. I guess it really is a young person’s game.

I do still like walking around retro, hipster and antique shops, though, just for my own personal amusement. How I love to watch the innocent and ignorant spending their hard earned cash on a chunk of Bakelite that will ultimately end in their divorce or even suicide. I used to try and warn them but I don’t speak Metro so they just laughed in my face. Nowadays, I just think of them as someone else’s future case files. In fact, while we’re on this subject, why don’t you go through your closets and take a close look at anything old you might have been given or bought? I’d hate to see you end up as a future client of Essence Removal Inc.

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